During one recent night hanging out with my kids, I had a wonderful opportunity to evaluate the strength of my parenting relationship with Rebecca and I owe it to my 5-yr-old daughter (Z*).
I was alone with the four kids and had begun prodding them to begin their evening bedtime routine. This amounts to little more than “herding cats,” but we usually slog through it. We usually only let the girls watch about 1/2 hour of television a day, so “movie time” is a big deal. But before we can get to the main event, they need to clean up, brush their teeth, and get their pajamas on. As any parent knows, this can often be excruciatingly long to complete. Such was this night.
As the minutes wore on and the cleaning up process failed to progress, I decided to “up the ante” with a challenge: I would give them five minutes, then begin my inspection of the main floor. Five minutes was probably five times what was actually needed, but I was feeling generous. I announced that when the time was up, I would become the temporary owner of anything not cleaned up. Motivating, right?
Not so much. They continued to procrastinate and at the end of the five minutes, I carried out my threat, picking up the various toys that lay strewn about the living and dining rooms. One of these was part of a birthday present Z recently received. Naturally, she threw a fit, claiming “Unfair!” but I maintained that the toy belonged to me for 24 hrs.
I (yet again) issued instructions to the two older girls to finish getting ready for bed, then left them sulking and went downstairs. Apparently, they believed that since I was out of sight, I was therefore unable to hear them, for I was able to eavesdrop on the secret scheming that began to happen. It started with Z complaining to R that “Daddy took my birthday present.” Then R, in full support, said something like, “Yeah, that wasn’t fair!” To which Z retorted – and this was the kicker – “I’m going to tell Mommy that Daddy took my birthday present and he’s gonna get in trouble!”
I nearly bit my tongue off to keep from laughing…
After I settled down a bit, I calmly walked upstairs to check on them. R promptly informed me of Z’s plan, which immediately set me to laughing again. Z, with a scowl and in her most serious voice, repeated her plan to “get me in trouble.” Trying not to chuckle too hard, I looked her in the eye and said, “That sounds like a good plan.” That seemed to take all the wind out of her sails! Now smiling, Z turned to R and said, “He said that’s a good plan!” in a tone of voice that indicated she thought I’d lost my mind.
Naturally, by the time Mom arrived home that night, Z had already forgotten about her threat. So I was obliged to remind her. My reminder renewed her ire and, with passion in her voice, she followed through on her threat. She conveniently left out certain details, of course, but Rebecca was quick to ask follow-up questions. I stayed quiet the entire time to see how the scene would play out. To my amusement and Z’s horror, Mom completely supported my decision. So much for “getting Daddy in trouble.”
While the outcome didn’t necessarily surprise me, I did reflect on the fact that not all parents are as in sync with one another as Rebecca and I are. I’m very thankful – and blessed – that we have both put in the work with one another to achieve that level of solidarity. Our parental messages may not always be right or perfect, but at least they’re consistent. And I hope that our kids look back one day and recognize the stability and consistency that their parents gave them.
*I have recently decided to remove as many references to my kids’ names on our site as a protective measure for them. In an age of Google, I want my kids to decide – at the right time – how much information about them is on the web. Those of you who know the kids will know them by their first initial. I may at some point let them come up with “pseudonyms” that I’ll use instead.
As if a newborn wasn’t enough of a challenge, we made the decision to homeschool R for her Kindergarten year. Rebecca started the “school year” in September using the 
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